One of the most heart-wrenching phrases caregivers hear from someone with dementia is, “I want to go home.” This statement often reflects a deeper sense of longing—not necessarily for a physical place, but for a feeling of safety, comfort, or familiarity. It can be hard to know how to respond, but with empathy and understanding, you can provide the reassurance they need. Let’s explore compassionate ways to navigate this common scenario.
Why Do They Say, “I Want to Go Home”?
It's easy to assume that when they say "home" they are referring to a physical place. You may thing they are referencing the home they just left if they are now living with you or in a care community. However, in many cases, “home” isn’t about a specific address. For individuals with dementia, “home” often represents a sense of belonging, security, and familiarity. So they are actually saying that they feel like they don't belong here.
This discomfort may be because of:
Confusion: They may not recognize their current environment.
Anxiety or Restlessness: A desire to escape unease of the place they are in now.
Loneliness: Longing for the presence of loved ones that are not around.
How to Respond Compassionately
1. Avoid Correcting Them
If you suspect that the "home" they are referring to isn't a real location, it's important to know that telling someone with dementia that they are already home or that their childhood home no longer exists can cause frustration or distress. It will increase feelings of discomfort and actually make things worse. Focus on their feelings, rather than the facts.
2. Validate Their Feelings
Try saying something like, “Oh, I hate feeling homesick. Tell me more about your home.” This will help you empathize with them and allow you more insight into what they may be referring to. Respond kindly to their description and keep them talking about it in a positive way, "Oh, that sounds so lovely! Does your home have a porch?" This approach validates their emotions and invites them to share their thoughts without feeling dismissed.
3. Redirect Gently
Once you’ve acknowledged their feelings, gently redirect their focus to something comforting. For example:
“Why don’t we sit down and have a cup of tea first?”
“Let’s take a walk together while we think about home.”
4. Invite Them to Stay
If they’re feeling unsettled, focus on making them feel wanted right where they are. Say something like, "Oh, I would hate for you to go home right now! I was so looking forward to you staying here with me tonight." Help them feel like their prescence is needed and that you feel so happy when they are with you. Don't underestimate the power of eye contact and a confident statement like, "You are right where you need to be."
5. Use Visual or Sensory Cues
Sometimes, showing them familiar photos, objects, or even scents can help bring a sense of “home” to their current space. Offer a cozy blanket, play calming music, or engage them in a favorite activity. For instance, a photo album or a favorite family recipe might evoke positive memories and provide comfort.
When to Seek Help
If their longing to “go home” becomes persistent and causes significant distress, consult a dementia care specialist or therapist. They can offer personalized strategies to help manage these feelings.
Hearing “I’m going home” from a loved one with dementia can be emotionally challenging, but it’s an opportunity to connect with their deeper needs. By validating their feelings, offering reassurance, and creating a comforting environment, you can help ease their anxiety and bring them a sense of peace. Remember, your presence and empathy mean more than words ever could.